


if i were you, i wouldn't love me neither

by jumbled_sentiment



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Happy Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Magnus Bane, Light Angst, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Married Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 10:03:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19885795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jumbled_sentiment/pseuds/jumbled_sentiment
Summary: “No, stay.”Alec paused, halfway off the bed, a stack of papers balanced uncertainly on his laptop.“Are you okay?"“Of course,” Magnus replied, as easily as if it were true.





	if i were you, i wouldn't love me neither

**Author's Note:**

> This interaction has been working its way into an actual piece of writing for a long time, but I just couldn't quite get it to feel right. Hopefully this does these wonderful characters and their relationship justice.
> 
> Also, the title is a lyric from the song Despicable by grandson.

Marriage. The formally recognised union of two people as partners, establishing their rights and obligations as they move forward as one. Alec Lightwood married Magnus Bane approximately two months, three days, six hours and a handful of seconds ago. They had chosen to exchange their vows in no place other than the Institute where, once, Alec had been a single rune away from making the mistake of a lifetime. Now, a Shadowhunter and a Warlock were bound together forever, for no reason other than their desire to be. It was wonderful. Everything about that day had been all that either of them had ever wanted and more. For the first time in a long time, Magnus was truly happy. He had become something that, for the longest time, he had believed he could never be – a husband. Alec, of course, had been at the epicentre of this recent wave of contentment, but Magnus had also found a certain sort of peace with himself. Everything had fallen into place, it all just seemed _right_. Except, today, it was anything but. For no obvious reason, no cause or cure, Magnus felt despicable. Obviously, he was sad but, worse than that, he was angry with himself for being so, as though he couldn’t even give himself permission to feel the way that he felt.

That being, he didn’t know. Alec had been pulling some wicked hours lately, as had he. Magnus wasn’t sure why, but he knew that these things came in waves. Soon enough, there would be enough of a lull in the workload that each of them could easily justify a spate of nine to five shifts like any regular mundane, if they wanted to. But until that time came, such a shift would be a pipedream. Just then, Magnus was returning to the loft with no clear idea of how many hours were left in the day, only knowing with certainty that he wasn’t home in time for dinner, even after neatly scheduling this job into a slot of two hours that morning. Both men were busy and that was fine, expected. This particular low mood had only been hovering over Magnus for a day or two at most and he knew it would pass. He knew he could talk to Alec, or any number of friends, if he wanted to. The problem was, he didn’t. In a way, it hurt less to have nobody in your life who cared at all, than it did to have a life full of love and yet still not be able to reach out for a hand when it was needed. The only things in the way of the help and support he so desperately craved, Magnus knew, were his own insecurities.

It was this familiar frustration that swirled through Magnus as he entered the loft. The light he saw seeping out from under the bedroom door was the first thing to bring him any form of relief all day. Alec was home already. The only thing left to do was crawl into bed with his husband and wait for this day to be over. He made his way straight to the bedroom where, unsurprisingly, the sight that greeted him was one of the painstaking perseverance that he had begun to expect from Alec Lightwood. Centred in their bed with his fingers flying across the overworked keys of his laptop, he spared his husband a small smile and murmured, “Hey Magnus, good day?” Those hands hadn’t stilled for a moment; it was enough to melt even the toughest of hearts.

“Not bad, darling,” he sighed. “How was yours?”

Alec nodded then, a moment later, said, “Not bad either.”

Moving to his vanity, Magnus began removing his rings one by one, leaving only his favourite in place before starting work on his shirt buttons. He didn’t need to undress the mundane way but, through trial and error, he had found that it was the easiest way to keep his wardrobe organised and… in one place. Once jewellery free and comfortably dressed, Magnus moved onto his face. This, he did not do the mundane way. With one flick of the wrist, his features were clear of any makeup and ready to plant straight onto his pillow, or his husband, whichever was more willing.

But the second Magnus clambered wearily onto their bed, something dreadful happened. “I’ll let you sleep,” Alec said, gathering up the smattering of papers he’d surrounded himself with.

“No,” Magnus started, a little too urgently. “I mean, you don’t have to.”

Alec shook his head. “It’s okay, I won’t be long.”

“No, stay.”

Alec paused, halfway off the bed, a stack of papers balanced uncertainly on his laptop.

“Are you okay?”

“Of course,” Magnus replied, as easily as if it were true.

“I just… I really need to get this done, but I don’t want to keep you awake.”

“Of course, darling. You go, just don’t stay up too late.”

To almost everybody else in the world, his smile would have been just that, a smile. Alec, however, saw it for what it truly was.

“Seriously, Magnus. What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing, really. Only, it hasn’t been the best day and we’ve both been working so much lately and I just…” Magnus absently twisted the ring on his finger. “I miss you.”

“Magnus–”

“It’s alright, really,” he insisted, letting out a weak attempt at a laugh. “I’m just being… clingy.”

“Magnus,” Alec scoffed. “I don’t believe what I’ve just heard. If anyone’s ‘the clingy one’ in this relationship, it’s me. _I love you, Magnus_ ,” he imitated. “ _Move in with me, Magnus. Marry me, Magnus_ ,” Alec laughed, shaking his head. “Seriously.”

The other man pulled himself into a sitting position, staring in wonder for just a moment before breaking out into laughter of his own. This time, though, his features were pulled into a smile that was anything but fake. Magnus knew that perfection was a word without a definition but, right then, he was reminded of just how close he had come to defining it. Alec waited until they had both calmed before continuing, “I really do have to get this done though.”

“I know,” Magnus sighed. “Just, stay?”

“Of course,” Alec replied. Instinctively, he leaned forward to press a kiss to Magnus’ forehead. “I won’t be much longer.”

Magnus felt lighter than he had done in days. He snuggled down into the covers, making sure not to disturb the papers that Alec was carefully placing back onto the bed. For a while, they stayed just like that, with Magnus listening to the _tap tap tap_ of Alec’s keyboard and the other man seemingly absorbed in the words decorating his screen.

“Next time,” Alec whispered, “just tell me, okay? I want to spend time with you too.”

Magnus’ grin was hidden by the pillow, but Alec didn’t need to see it to know it was there. Wordlessly, Magnus reached out and laid his hand onto Alec’s hip, slowly circling his thumb along the skin until he forgot that he’d even been doing it in the first place.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Any feedback is always appreciated <3


End file.
